In His arms / Karen Carestia (Friend) Dear Susan and Family,
What a beautiful memorial to your son. I can only glimpse @ your pain, through this memorial, and I have such a better knowledge of suicide and the depths of its despair. My heart and prayers go out to all of you daily. Know in your innermost being that Mark is safe and secure in his Heavenly Fathers arms. Every tear wiped away and at tremendous PEACE. May God bless you all and keep your hearts and minds @ rest.
Love, Karen C.
I love you / Kathy I heard this song last night on the way home from work in my car and I started crying. I went and bought the CD because I had to hear it again. It sums it up for me. I miss you so much and I get sadder as the time goes by.
How Can You Mend a Broken Heart
I can think of younger days when living for my life Was everything a man could want to do. I could never see tomorrow, but I was never told about the sorrow.
And how can you mend a broken heart? How can you stop the rain from falling down? How can you stop the sun from shining? What makes the world go round? How can you mend a this broken man? How can a loser ever win? Please help me mend my broken heart and let me live again.
I can still feel the breeze that rustles through the trees And misty memories of days gone by We could never see tomorrow, noone said a word about the sorrow.
And how can you mend a broken heart? How can you stop the rain from falling down? How can you stop the sun from shining? What makes the world go round? How can you mend this broken man? How can a loser ever win? Please help me mend my broken heart and let me live again.
Sweet Angel / Jane Einarson (a grieving Mom ) This is such a beautiful memorial for your dear Mark. Thank you for allowing me to meet Mark. I understand & share your pain. I lost my dear son, Matthew on December 1/03 to suicide. Mark & Matthew sound so much alike. Our sons are special angels. I am in awe of this memorial to Mark. I can only hope that I can do as much justice to Matthew's as you did for Mark. You will both be in my thoughts & heart. Bless you. Jane ((((Matthew's Mom))))
Please don't mourn for me I'm still here, though you don't see I'm right by your side each night and day And within your heart I long to stay My body is gone but I'm always near I'm everything you feel, see or hear My spirit is free, but I'll never depart As long as you keep me alive in your heart I'll never wander out of your sight I'm the brightest star on a summer night I'll never be beyond your reach I'm the warm moist sand when you're at the beach I'm the colorful leaves when fall comes around And the pure white snow that blankets the ground I'm the beautiful flowers of which you're so fond The clear cool water in a quiet pond I'm the first bright blossom you'll see in spring The first warm raindrop that April will bring I'm the first ray of light when the sun starts to shine And you'll see that the face in the moon is mine When you start thinking there's no one to love you You can talk to me through the Lord above you I'll whisper my answer through the leaves on the trees And you'll feel my presence in the soft summer breeze I'm the hot salty tears that flow when you weep And the beautiful dreams that come while you sleep I'm the smile you see on a baby's face Just look for me, I'm everyplace...
hey mark, its molly....(smalls).....i'm having a rough night tonight. i can't get to sleep. i have been thinking about you ALOT today. i found sooooooo many memories in the time i have been awake. i wish you were here. i wish i could say "I CAN'T WAIT IN TILL YOU COME HOME" like i say to stephen. i think i am going to have a hard time at the walk on saturday, so i want you to help me.....mom said that we're makin shirts with you're picture on them. i think we're doing that tomorrow. i wanna put the pic of me and you on my shirt (on the back) everyone else is gonna have the same one on the front. i love you soooooo much and i didn't mean it when i said "i hate you mark! and when i get to heaven i'm gonna kill you....again" i really love you. the first thing i would do is hug you for a zillion hours then i would punch you in the arm...(as hard as i could)...and say "I LOVE YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" Give me Just one part of you to cling to me And keep me Everywhere you are It's just enough to steal my heart and run And fade out with the falling sun Oh, please don't go Let me have you just one moment more Oh, all I need All I want is just one moment more i love you marky and i can't wait to see up in heaven!!!!!!!!!! i miss you :(
MY TEARS / Mum My Tears My tears have not abated they have only become silent, They rush to the pain that has swelled through my body so violent.
The pain smashes over my soul, as I view myself with malice. A roller coaster of emotions racing through leaving me empty and callous.
I want to smash to a pulp, this awful reality, To regain what I have lost and have him returned to me
Return my treasure, my precious baby Including his spirit, I want him to be…… Here on earth, here with me!!
My Brother's Up In Heaven / smalls
My brothers up in heaven I'm not sure why he's there,
He was much too young to go, and we still need him here.
God please take care of my brother, Keep him safe and sound.
I still cannot understand WHY you couldn't keep him around,
Only the good die young that is what they say.
Well you took the very best from us and the pain won't go away.
It's very hard waking up each day without him by my side.
Life goes on or so they say though part of me has died.
The memories of my brother will never be erased.
He made us laugh all the time with that smile on his face.
But my brothers up in heaven now, and all I can do is pray.
That he is watching over US each and every day!
IF I KNEW / Mum If I knew it would be the last time That I'd see you fall asleep, I would tuck you in more tightly and pray the Lord, your soul to keep. If I knew it would be the last time I'd see you walk out the door, I'd give you a big hug and kiss and call you back for more. If I knew it would be the last time I'd hear your voice lifted up in praise, I'd video tape each action and word, so I could play them back day after day. If I knew it would be the last time I'd see you, I'd spare an extra minute to stop and say "I love you," instead of assuming that you'd KNOW I do. If I knew it would be the last time I'd be there to share your day.. Well I'm sure you'll have so many more, so I can let just this one slip away. For surely there's always tomorrow to make up for an oversight, And we always get a second chance to make everything just right. There will always be another day to say "I love you," And certainly there's another chance to say our "Anything I can do?" But just in case I might be wrong, and today is all I get, I'd like to say how much I love you and I hope I never forget. Tomorrow is not promised to anyone, young or old alike, And today may be the last chance you get to hold your loved one tight. So if you're waiting for tomorrow, why not do it today? For if tomorrow never comes, you'll surely regret the day, That you didn't take that extra time for a smile, a hug, or a kiss and you were too busy to grant someone, what turned out to be their one last wish. So hold your loved ones close today, and whisper in their ear, Tell them how much you love them and that you'll always hold them dear. Take time to say "I'm sorry," "Please forgive me," "Thank you,"or "It's okay." And if tomorrow never comes, you'll have no regrets about today. (Author Unknown)
In Mark's memory / Pam Puckett ((POS)) Mark has such a nice smile. Know that his mind is no longer dark but bright with hopes and dreams that can now be fulfilled. Also know that he is beside you always! May your memories become gentle. Take care. Pam http://www.stephenleepuckett.com/
friends/ Selma Flynn (friend) to all Mark's loved ones, Mark is not in pain. I am so sorry. Please feel free to visit my son's website at www.bobbo.memory-of.com and please email me at mamma-flynn@excite.com I'd like to know where you are from because I see your last name is Flynn too
A Message from Mark / Susy (Mark's Mum ) Today is July 21, 2005. It was 6 horrible months ago that I found Mark at his house. I woke up this morning with these words in my head. I immediately put them down on paper, and now share them here. I don't remember a dream....just these words. Mark loved poetry and expressed himself best with his beautiful words on paper. I believe Mark spoke to me in my sleep and through me, to you. I love you Mr. Malarkie, and I miss you so much!!!
A MESSAGE FROM MARK
PLEASE DON'T REMEMBER ME FOR HOW I LEFT THIS WORLD. IT WAS IN A HURRY, WITHOUT GOODBYE, CONFUSION AND PAIN SWIRLED.
ALOT OF PAIN AND SORROW HAVE FILLED MY PLACE IN YOUR HEART. FOR THE DECISION THAT I MADE, YOU PLAYED NO PART.
I MADE A DECISION FOR HAPPINESS, PLEASE DON'T BE MAD. AS THE THE DECISION I CHOSE FOR MYSELF, HAS LEFT YOU ALL SO SAD.
WITH TIME AND UNDERSTANDING, THE HURT OF HEARTS WILL HEAL AND IN MANY DIFFERENT WAYS, MY PRESENCE YOU WILL FEEL.
THE SWEET SALT SMELL OF THE BEACH AT NIGHT, THE STARS IN THE HEAVENS SHINING BRIGHT,
A BEAUTIFUL RAINBOW, IN THE SKY, BIRDS AND BUTTERFLIES, SOURING HIGH,
BEAUTIFUL FLOWERS IN FULL BLOOM, A TINY BABY IN ITS MOTHERS WOMB,
A BEAUTIFUL SUNSET SHINING DOWN ON YOU, THE GREY OF DAWN AND SWEET MORNING DEW,
THE FEEL OF THE WIND THROUGH YOUR HAIR, THESE ARE SIGNS OF MY PRESENCE THERE.
REMEMBER ME ALWAYS WITH SMILES ON MY FACE FOR THAT IS HOW I AM TODAY, IN HEAVEN, THIS BEAUTIFUL PLACE.
DON'T TORTURE YOURSELVES, AND FILL YOUR HEARTS WITH BLAME, FOR I LEFT WITHOUT GOODBYES AND YOU WILL NEVER BE THE SAME.
IF I COULD GO BACK IN TIME, I'D SAY A LAST GOODBYE. I'D HOLD EACH OF YOU IN MY ARMS AND TELL YOU NOT TO CRY. FOR GOD IS KIND AND LOVING, LIKE YOU WERE TO ME ON EARTH, MY DEMONS DISAPPEARED AND MY SOUL FOUND PEACE, WITH MY HEAVENLY BIRTH.
I LOVE YOU VERY DEEPLY, I DIDN'T WANT TO GO, BUT I COULD NOT BEAR THE HEARTACHE, SO JESUS CALLED ME HOME.
HIS LOVE IS ALL I NEED, IT FILLS MY SOUL WITH PEACE, ALL THE HURTS I FELT ON EARTH, INSTANTLY HAVE CEASED.
I SIT IN THE PALM OF GOD'S HANDS, FROM HERE I BLOW A KISS, TO ALL OF YOU , MY FAMILY, WHOM I LOVE AND MISS.
I WATCH OVER YOU EVERY DAY, KEEPING YOU IN GODS CARE, UNTIL THE DAY WE MEET AGAIN, THE DAY WHEN YOU COME HERE."
I'm still here / Mum
Mum, please don't mourn for me I'm still here, though you don't see. I'm right by your side each night and day and within your heart I long to stay.
My body is gone but I'm always near. I'm everything you feel, see or hear. My spirit is free, but I'll never depart as long as you keep me alive in your heart.
I'll never wander out of your sight- I'm the brightest star on a summer night. I'll never be beyond your reach- I'm the warm moist sand when you're at the beach.
I'm the colorful leaves when fall comes around and the pure white snow that blankets the ground. I'm the beautiful flowers of which you're so fond, The clear cool water in a quiet pond.
I'm the first bright blossom you'll see in the spring, The first warm raindrop that April will bring. I'm the first ray of light when the sun starts to shine, and you'll see that the face in the moon is mine.
When you start thinking there's no one to love you, you can talk to me through the Lord above you. I'll whisper my answer through the leaves on the trees, and you'll feel my presence in the soft summer breeze.
I'm the hot salty tears that flow when you weep and the beautiful dreams that come while you sleep. I'm the smile you see on a baby's face. Just look for me, Mum, I'm everyplace!
(Author Unknown)
The Beach / Molly "smalls" (Sister)
as i walk along the beach i watch the sunset and think of him sometimes i wonder why others i just cry i ask the lord to keep him safe as i walk along the beach i know that was his favorite place that is why i just cry he is happy and i know why!!!!
i love you marky!!!!!! love, "smalls"
MY GENTLE SON / Susy Flynn (Mark's Mum ) My son Mark was a very special person. I remember the jokes he told, the prank phone calls he made and the games he played; all to make people laugh! Mark's laugh was infectious. I didn't have to know why he was laughing to laugh with him, I laughed because his laugh was genuine. It warmed my heart.
Mark's favorite foods were: McDonald's DOUBLE quaterpounders, plain with just cheese, HEINZ ketchup, meatloaf and gravy, chips and homemade dip, homemade french fries made in his fry daddy, strawberry pizza, and Nana's homemade apple pies! I think of him whenever I eat or see someone else eating these things.
Mark's favorite movies were: Braveheart; Armagheddon; The Last Unicorn; The Lord Of The Rings; and anything that was about love, loyalty and friendship. Mark had few friends, but he was loyal to those he did have and he loved them unconditionally. That meant regardless of what they did or who they became, Mark saw the good in everyone. Mark's favorite places were: Manomet Beach in Plymouth; The Charles River in Boston and Cambridge; The Arnold Arboretum in Jamaica Plain; St Anthony's Shrine in Boston; and the little Fatima Garden behind St. Mary's Church in Charlestown. Mark communed with nature. His soul soured above the earth and danced with the angels when he was at one of his special places.
Mark's favorite things to do were: writing poetry; drawing cartoon characters, animals, birds, sunsets, crosses, shamrocks, and four leaf clovers; telling stories at the bonfires he built at Manomet; building cities of sand castles, watching the sunrise and especially the sunset; picking shapes out of the clouds floating in the sky; looking through his telescope at the stars in the sky; smelling the flowers; listening to the birds sing; making snow angels; sledding; and having snowball fights.
Mark loved to help those less fortunate than him. He gave clothes and food to the homeless. One freezing winter night, Mark gave his brand new winter coat to a homeless man lying on a bench at the Charles River. He was special like that, always doing for others, for strangers. He made me so proud!
Mark loved to write his name and his initials in all different and creative ways. Mark also loved to tease and to argue. Not only did he know EVERYTHING, but he knew everything BEST!!!
Mark loved his little sisters and brothers. He loved everything about them. I remember how proud he was when each one of them was born! He wanted to teach them, to play with them, to laugh with them and most of all to love them. He loved them with all his big heart. They were his sunshine on rainy days. They were his warm fire on cold winters days. They were a bright shining light in the darkness. They were his reason for living with his pain and lonliness for as long as he did. They taught him patience, understanding, compassion, humility, and tenderness and he taught them unconditional love. He loved them above all others, even above himself. Mark often told them, "I love you to infinity and back again."
Mark had a very special spot in his heart for his Nana and Papa Van Gorder. They were his parents too. They helped to raise him and loved him as their own child. They were his ray of hope. He was so proud to be their grandson. They made him feel special. They taught Mark the meaning of unconditional love. He was their little Markie Malarkie.
Mark was loved by so many people. He was everyone's baby. He lived with his grandparents and all his aunts and his uncle until he was 9 years old. Everyone had a hand in rearing him. He had us all wrapped around his little finger for so long. Mark felt rich because of all the love he was given. For Mark, love and family was everything.
Lastly, Mark loved Jesus. He strived to be Christ like. He wanted to be a priest. Not a priest at a local church. He wanted to be a mission priest. He wanted to bring Jesus's love and compassion to those who had never known Him. He never became a priest, but he did bring Jesus's love and compassion to others. In the end, when Mark struggled with his decision to end his life, he prayed as Jesus did in the Garden of Gethsemane. I know this, because when I found him, he was looking at the picture he had recently hung on his wall. It was a picture of Jesus in the Garden of Gethsemane, THE AGONY IN THE GARDEN. I believe that Mark had his own agony in the garden that night. I believe that Jesus was with him when he died, holding his hand and loving him so much. I prayed for Mark his whole life. I always thought that God never heard my prayers. I was wrong. Specifically, I asked God to take Mark's pain away and to give it to me because I was stronger than Mark was. Well, Mark is now free of pain, but mine is so acute, so raw, never ending. I also had a conversation with God where I thanked Him for entrusting Mark to my care 24 years ago. I told Him that I loved Mark as much as I was able to love anyone and that I tried my hardest to help him and bring him peace and happiness. Then I told God that I was at a loss for what else to do to help Mark. I told God that I was now entrusting my son to Him, because He was the only one who loved Mark more than I did, and that I knew that He didn't want Mark to hurt either. I told God that I trusted in His will. I said to him, "Let your will be done in Mark's life." I thought he would cure him and bring him happiness here on earth. Perhaps he would have never found that here. Perhaps this world was too mean and cruel for him.Although he died by his own hand, I have to believe that God again answered my prayer. He took Mark home to live with him in Heaven where he would be pain free and in peace. I now have to learn acceptance of God's plan. That is the hardest thing. I want Mark to be here with me so I can hear him laugh, see him smile, touch his gentle face, hug him and kiss him. My reason's for wanting Mark here are selfish. I really don't want Mark to feel the pain, lonliness, and heartache he felt when he was here. I am so conflicted. But I love my precious son with all my heart and soul!
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